The Birds and The Bees

Posted: April 26, 2010 by Alma in comedy, death, funny
Tags: , , , ,

The Birds and The Bees Flies

Confession: I’m a sucker for animals. Yes, furry, cute, little, innocent faced animals. Sometimes even the ferocious ones like my two pound Chihuahua who barks his little feathered tail off at the children who walk down our street from school. Bugs, however, are a different story. They’re creepy, crawly, scary, sometimes slimy, weird-looking things that are true to their name; these bugs really do bug! Especially flies! So what do adorable little animals have to do with ugly bothersome insects? Nothing, unless you were to have seen what I saw today: a small chirpy bird swooping between two 55 gallon container drums. At first, when I saw this little guy taking those leaps of courage, I thought, “Aww, how cute! He’s playing.” But who am I kidding?? This is the circle of life people! Nature doesn’t play games! They’re hard core business. This bird wasn’t off in la la land enjoying the warm spring sun. NO! He was lunching. ON FLIES. Each time he swooped off, diving beak first, he’d zero in on one of these pesky things and gobble him up whole. Personally, I think it’s a little cool, yet disgusting at the same time. “He’s cute AND practical!” Either way, by the time he got through the swarm of flies surrounding a pile of trash, this bird was my new best friend! I even started to rummage through my awe-struck brain to find a name I could bestow upon such a brilliant bird. Until he flew off into the tree…right above my car…and let a gooey, white substance escape his little body. Yes, folks, my new best friend pooped on my car. Turns out he was no different from the rest of those damn birds who go around and purposely let loose all over your newly washed vehicle. His cute little ways blinded me and hit me at the core of my greatest weakness. So now I’ve learned my lesson. I will no longer allow myself to feel emotion. Like my ex-best friend, I will use anyone and anything for my sole need/want/selfishness and give a shit about anyone or anything else. Except my puppy on FarmVille. He loves me. I’m just saying, it’s the circle of life…

  1. Hookedfishy says:

    Lmao! I love your insight. You give the perfect amount of girly-ness to this otherwise testosterone driven blog. Kudos to you. “•_•”

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