Movie Review: “Alice in Wonderland”

Posted: March 15, 2010 by Brian in movies, Review
Tags: , , , ,

It’s been a couple weeks now since the latest Burton/Depp collaboration was released but I say they should’ve taken a few extra months to clean up this very unhappy mess.

Mistake #1, the film was based on both books, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. In my opinion, they could’ve taken the time to focus on one book instead of both.  The results, two books with equally involving and immersive stories stuffed into a small 90 minute window equals piss-poor storytelling.

Mistake #2, Mr. Depp’s make up and finale dance.  W-T-F…  Seriously.  When I first saw the poster for Depp’s character I thought, “Why the hell does the Mad Hatter look like a Ringling Brothers reject?”  Was there really a logical reason that they needed such clownish looks for the hatter?  Towards the end of the film the Hatter does this most ridiculous dance that made me feel like I was watching one of the many 30-minute Disney channel sitcoms.  It just had no sense.   A good way to describe Depp’s character is a cross between Mr. Wonka’s eccentricity and pale face and Jack Sparrow’s drunken jibberish.  There were times when I wish I had caption even with the theater’s loud speakers.  Good job there…

And my final complaint, Mistake #3, was the all unnecessary use of CG.  There was CG involved in much of the movie and for good reason.  AiW’s peculiar character’s demand methods of warping one’s face or body that only CG could handle.  But what I didn’t understand was the CG for everyday things that didn’t really need to be CG.  For example, Crispin Glover’s character, The Knave of Hearts, Ilosovic Stayne.  His whole body except for his head was CG.  Why?  There was nothing extraordinary about it.  It was a regular human body and he didn’t do anything out of the norm except walk around and ride his horse.  Which brings me to another example, the horses.  Stayne’s horse was the only one who had a line and I understand CG for that part but for the whole movie?  The White Queen’s (Anne Hathaway) horse had no lines but was entirely in CG.  Are you telling me that Tim Burton and Disney couldn’t afford real horses for such an anticipated film like Alice in Wonderland.  Hathaway’s acting wasn’t exactly top notch either, but then again, is it ever?

To top it off, as I mentioned earlier, the movie was only 90 minutes which made it seem rushed.  I’m glad I went to a matinee screening for this, otherwise I would have been more upset than I already was for spending my $12 bucks on this mess of a film.

All the classic characters are here though.  The Tweedle twins, the Chershire Cat, the pothead caterpillar. None dissapoint, especially Mia as Alice.  Thumbs up for all these guys.  Of course, Helena Bonham Carter steals the show as the Red Queen.

On the other hand, fail for both Depp and Burton.  Hell, throw Anne Hathaway in there while we’re at it.  OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

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Comments
  1. Crazy RN says:

    I agree with your take on Alice, I was really looking forward to it… The red queen was the best!!!

  2. Mrs. M says:

    I couldn’t have put it better myself. Helena Bonham Carter was the star of the movie!

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