Why Do Men Cheat?

Posted: February 9, 2010 by Jorge in disasters, ignorance, love, Psychology, science
Tags: , , , ,

I’ve come across a question the burns inside many women’s minds, why do men cheat? The universal answer most women end up at is men are dogs! Psychology has taught us men are driven to cheat by hormones, availability, and upbringing. Women on the other hand cheat due to emotional neglect, and the need for emotional intimacy. In our modern society, the percentage of cheating women is rising, but I will delve further into that pool on my next blog.

The laws of nature and nurture, in concert with past relationships all contribute to a man’s desire to cheat. On the side of nature we have high testosterone levels making for a higher sex drive, the need for risk taking, higher aggression levels, and competitiveness, a phenomenon that has been documented in labs as well as in athletes. Some men have lower levels of Monoamine Oxidase A, which regulates the brain’s levels of dopamine, the pleasure neurotransmitter, creating what’s called “Sensation Seekers.” Sensation seekers crave intense experiences more than other people do. They often have energetic personalities, and yearn for new and intense experiences to negate boredom.

On the side of nurture we have men who as children were deprived of unconditional, consistent love and affection from parents, developing a hunger for touch and constant admiration or love. This hunger leads a man to feel no single partner is good enough for them, or simply doesn’t exhibit enough love to feed their desires. Many men come from a family where the father was a cheater, or absent, creating a boy who grows into a man not having the knowledge on how to be monogamous with any partner they may encounter.

Availability is often a circumstance that leads to cheating. A man may simply have too many options, or not enough. If a man has a buffet of women at his fingertips, the urge to cheat could be fulfilled at any moment. If a man has no opportunities to cheat, and the opportunity suddenly arises, he is left with a decision likely ending with his urges getting the best of him. Availability can increase for a man if he becomes more attractive by losing weight, and working out to gain muscle. Sometimes availability increases because he gets a new job where he may interact with the opposite sex more often. A promotion to a higher level position may boost his confidence level increasing his chances of infidelity, and getting noticed by lower level female employees.

Once the damage is done, a woman is left to swim in her thoughts and emotions. Therapy sessions have detected 3 stages people encounter when they have been cheated on.

  1. Roller-coaster: Experiences of strong contradictory feelings, from anger and self-blame to introspection and positive evaluation of the relationship.
  2. Moratorium: The attempt to analyze the cheating event, going deep into the details of the affair, and at the same time interrupting physical and emotional contact with the cheater and looking for help from others.
  3. Trust-building stage: Is possible, but only if the person wants to stay together and work on the relationship.

Cheating has no excuses, because it a pre-determined decision to be made. We chose to cheat, it doesn’t choose us. The decision to cheat hurts the person we love, and more often than not, we end up regretting the decision.

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Comments
  1. jackie majia says:

    i loved your view in men who cheat….. keep doing what your doing….love the blog..

  2. Hookedfishy says:

    Excelent post! I honestly don’t believe that ALL men cheat. I might be naive but nonetheless. I too did not grow up in a most healthy environment and although that may contribute to one’s unhealthy ways, in the end, it’s all about choices. Couple questions for you Jorge, is once a cheater always a cheater and does cheating only consist of a sexual act?

    • Jorge says:

      Hookedfishy…I believe that cheating is an addiction that can be broken. This addiction can be broken, as long as the person is willing to admit, and give up the addiction. As far as what cheating consist of is purely at the mercy of every individuals point of view. Emotional cheating is never taken into account because we are unaware of our partners intentions when they talk to the opposite sex. Many people consider flirting to be a form of cheating, while others find it to be playful chatter. Everything lies in the eye of the beholder.

  3. 23yellowringo says:

    Wow definitely a different perspective on cheating, great post.
    You had so much detail and technical explanations.
    I don’t believe all men cheat, and I don’t believe all women cheat either.
    I think it depends on their experience growing up and relationships.
    However, on the radio they stated that ‘women cheat more than men.’
    I don’t remember much about it but I think I will look into that now.

    Nice post!

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