Taylor Lautner as Stretch Armstrong

Posted: February 7, 2010 by Brian in comedy, funny, movies
Tags: , , , , ,

What the f— is wrong with these Twilight Stars?!  First Rob Pat thinks he can play Peter Parker, and now this?

Two things here.  One, why in God’s name are they deciding to make a movie based on a toy who’s limbs, as the name implies, stretch to no limit?  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted one of these toys real bad, and was able to get my fix every time I went to my friend’s house.  After while, his Stretch Armstrong was so used up, the stretchable substance, which surprisingly contained liquid, started leaking out of his arms.  My friend, Misael, had him in a cryogenic chamber (his freezer) for a long time, for him to heal, but had little success.  Maybe having this film idea pitched would’ve fit in better in the 90’s!

And two, when the geniuses behind this nonsense approached him, “TayLa” actually agreed to star in the film.  What the hell is going through his head.  Is he not bathing in riches by now, from all(TEAM JACOB!!!!) madness?  I assumed he was wiping his ass with Benjamins by now, but I must’ve been mistaken.  Regardless, I doubt he needs money THIS bad!  Include him in your prayers tonight, and pray that he pulls his head out of his dollar-wiped ass.

TEAM JACOB!!!(Unless he goes through with this, which in that case, I’ll swith to TEAM EDWARD.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I’d rather be a flaming butt-pirate than be part of that team.)

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