20 Gross Feminine Hygiene Products

Posted: February 6, 2010 by Brian in comedy, Femine Products, funny, PMS, Vagina
Tags: , , , , , ,

20. Pretty Printed Pads

Yeah, we’ve been around ladies on their periods enough to know it’s going to take a lot more than a fun print pattern rubbing against their junk to cheer them up. Plus, they got the camouflage all wrong for this environment.

pretty-printed-pads

19. Pubic Hair Dye
Are ladies self-conscious enough to worry that dudes will notice that the carpet doesn’t match the drapes? Yeah, probably. (Thanks American media.) Well, ladies, if a dude is down there and is commenting about the color of your pubic roots, rest assured, he’s mostly just disappointed that you don’t have a penis.

brown-betty

18. The German Lady Bag
The bag itself is perfectly functional, and a good idea. The Germans are known to go a little overboard, though. Put your used tampons in here or DIEEEEEEEEEE!

lady-bag

17. Marvel Whirling Spray
Behold, the finest in early 20th century douchery. This baby promised a hurricane in your junk.

marveldo

16. The Sea Sponge Tampon
Never, ever listen to hippies tell you what to do with your junk. If you’re going to put a squishy dead animal inside you, at least let it be some guy you brought home from the bar.

seapearl-550

15. Naughty Nads Bikini Design Kit
Pubic topiaries are all the rage this year!  Plus, I’m allergice to cat hair so shaved kitties are the best!  I AM talking about animals here, people.  “Don’t be perverts”, says the guy blogging about Feminine Hygiene Products.

naughtynads

14. Fresca Powder
Two words that do not belong together are “douche” and “powder.” After applying, you have to clap your hands, and throw some douche powder in the air, just like Lebron James does.  Hmm, doesn’t Fresca make soda now?

fresca1

13. Butt Bleach
Do blonde butts have more fun?

honeybare

12. The Va J-J Visor
And if you think I’m making fun of the name, look closely at the box, at actually reads, “Va J-J”This looks like it’s made from a leftover part from a hockey goalie’s protective gear. That’s sort of true. It’s to protect your junk, from razors and errant pucks, obviously.

vajj-visor

11. The Anti-Panti

So, you hate wearing panties, but you also want to wear your jeans more than one day before washing? These fabric dots attach to the inside of your pants, and protect them from getting, uh, slimed. Stop reading this, and go wash your junk, right now.

antipanti

10. Hello Kitty Douche
The list of inappropriate Hello Kitty products is almost endless. Of course, there’s a Hello Kitty-branded douche. Why wouldn’t there be?

hello-kitty-douche

9. 69 Wipes
It’s a sexy baby wipe, is all it is. When you’re in the heat of passion, but you forgot to shower, whip out one of these. You’ll taste just like strawberry incense. Yep, go wash your junk again.

69wipes

8. Crocheted Tampons
Just like grandma used to make for you! Collect enough of these, and you can crochet them all into a couch cover.

crocheted-tampons

7. The Bikini Line Genie
This works much like the visor, but this one’s a lot more aerodynamic. You just stick it on, and shave it up. If you need to shave your junk in under 30 seconds, is it really even worth it?

Bikini-Line-Genie

6. The Tampon Stun Gun
It may look like a non-threatening tampon, but this applicator has some sting to it. It probably works pretty well, considering that your attacker would be laughing so hard that you were pointing a tampon at him, that he would be distracted while you go for the stun.

tampontaser-roddc2007v3img_assist_custom

5. Homemade Menstrual Pads
Oh, the things you can find on Etsy. They’ve got these things with any pattern you can imagine. You just wash them, and reuse them. After a few uses, you’ll never crave cupcakes, again.

cupcake-pads

4. Women’s Pee Funnels
It’s pretty awesome to be able to pee standing up, and to write your name in the snow. On the other hand, carrying your used pee funnel around in your purse has to be pretty awesome, too.

gogirl-fud

3. Tampon Plushie Dolls
Hooray for periods! We want to hug and squeeze them!

tampon-plushies

2. The Menstrual Cup
The menstrual cup was very popular in the 1930s, and still exists, but only hippies use them now. They probably drink shots out of them when they’re not in use, too. Junk washing time, again!

menstrual-cup

1. The Lysol Douche
This is one of those experiments that must have failed miserably. Lysol, the same Lysol you clean your house with, used to encourage women to flush their junk with it! Follow it up with some Murphy’s Oil Soap, to give your vagina that fresh pine scent!

lysol

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Comments
  1. crazy RN says:

    Wow! That’s all I have to say..I laughed and cried at the same time..thanks tampon lover!!!

  2. Ivan says:

    i dont know what to say, stunned

  3. Hookedfishy says:

    Love this post. I’m just a bit uneasy that you know so much Brian. I might have to invest in 1 or 2 of the items mentioned… thanks for your hard research! 😉

  4. Hey, great website you’ve put together here. I absolutely enjoyed skimming through your writing. I noticed it this morning and came to realize it was very worthwhile, so it motivated me to respond. I think many will almost certainly see eye to eye with you about this matter. So, I’ll return soon when I get added time to read more. This is kinda weird, but I was just calling my friend regarding this issue, so this read was well time. I am amped I stumbled across this site, it has good energy. I will favorite this page and subscribe to the RSS link in addition. Thanks have a good one.

    • Brian says:

      Hey Jessica. Thanks for checking us out and sorry about the long wait on the response. MiYM was sort of on a hiatus. I’m glad you’re enjoying the site. Keep coming back because there will be more coming regularly.

      Brian 🙂

  5. Some of them here are seriously funny like the printed pads and the crochet tampons.I think the coming era should concentrate on health and hygiene more than anything else.

  6. omg!! some of these were so funny. I cant believe they had some of these ads. I love the kitties haha

  7. Sarah Eliza says:

    OK, pretty much everything up there is gross.

    Except the menstrual cup!

    Just think about how gross your generic cotton pads/tampons are. They sit there for about 8 hours filled with blood and against a girl’s parts. Tampons cause TSS because of bacteria growing on them, and pads can cause infections from rubbing the urethra or the anus as they shift around. Doesn’t that strike you as more gross, that collecting the blood and then getting rid of it cleanly and safely?

    • jbarnet says:

      In response to Sarah Eliza, do you wear your pads/tampons for 8 hours unless you are sleeping? Also, TSS comes mainly from the chemicals used to produce tampons and pads-it’s called “Toxic” for a reason.

      • Incorrect. TSS comes from Staphylococcus aureus which is a bacteria that lives inside you harmlessly, until tampons leave micro tears and rayon fibres (which are an ideal breeding ground for Staphylococcus aureus) inside you, the staph bacterium multiply and enter your blood stream through these micro tears, sending toxins around your body and causing toxic shock syndrome. And it is not caused by pads, only absorbent internal devices (including sea sponge tampons and crochet tampons – these carry a risk too!)

        You’re right about chemicals though, and some of the chemicals used to bleach said tampons, namely dioxins, are carcinogens. That means they are known to cause cancer. Menstrual cups don’t seem all that scary now huh? No loose fibres, no ideal breeding ground for staph, these cups get sterilised either by boiling or by using milton sterilising fluid, disposables? They’re full of bacteria, simply bleached white to make them look hygienic.

  8. Beau Rocrat says:

    The Honey Bare Butt Bleach is an ANAL bleach. No blondness can result from it. Maybe cancer, but no blondness. I wonder if you’re one of the few women with hairy butts…. 🙂

    http://www.shopinprivate.com/honey-bare-butt-bleach1.html

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